So here is how you pass a cold fall weekend in the middle-of-nowhere Kentucky...

First, you buy two rakes, bundle up, and head outside to put into piles the massive amount of dead leaves that has covered you lawn. It will take about three hours and approximately forty piles to once again see the ground that was hidden. While you are doing this, a few more leaves will fall as nature laughs at man's unending attempts to control nature. The laughter will most likely irritate you.

After the piles are created, you take a large tarp, lay it on the ground next to a pile, load it with leaves, and then take it to a designated area for burning later. You repeat this for each pile. It takes a really long time and a lot of walking. By the time you are finished, you have a pile something like this one (think 8 feet wide and 3.5 feet tall):

When this is all finished, you will hurt. Every muscle of your body will be screaming at you for suddenly doing manual labor when you know you are in fact a big, useless softy. So you go to bed, allowing unconsiousness temporarily take away the pain.

The next day, when the pain has dulled a bit, you start getting nostalgic about when you where a kid and you would run and jump in the piles of leaves every fall, so when the neighbors aren't looking, you take a leap. Unfortunately, you are heavier these days, so you end up in a position something like this:

When you finally crawl out of this mess, you find your dogs staring at you with a perplexed, yet intrigued, expression as they wonder why you are suddenly acting, well, like them. Then you notice that there are leaves all over you, and they are itchy, and they should never, ever be in the unmentionables area. But they are. So you wonder why you liked it so much once upon a time, and you take note to not get nostalgic next year. Of course, by next year, you will have forgotten, and you'll probably end up with nature laughing at you and leaves in your pants again.