Stories matter. I'm twenty-four years old and rapidly approaching twenty-five. That has given me a quarter of a century to form my own stories, to collect moments that compose my life.
I started this blog over three years ago because my brother kept nagging me about it. There weren't any noble reasons behind it or a clear purpose. I was simply writing about life, about how I was learning to be a wife, how Sienna and Tony and then Gus were salting our life with countless moments of humor (or disgust), about mourning the loss of Grandma and struggling through the uncertainties of financial problems and employment, and during the good times, about laughing with my family and friends and growing into BJ's family. All of these stories and more are chronicled in my archives, my own virtual life-library.
I've been drudging through a rough patch here lately. Six months ago, I lost a pregnancy after only a few days of knowing. I thought the disappointment would pass quickly, but it keeps creeping up on me. Even though I've always wanted to be candid on my blog, I didn't post about this incident when it happened. I could think of no words at the time. But now I'm writing it down so that I have the story recorded.
Although I'm six-ish years into adulthood, I still catch myself gawking at just how hard and unpredictable this story keeps proving to be. Some days, when things are moving slowly, I shuffle through my blog archives. There are a lot of happy, funny stories there. They are good to read when life is heavy. There are also many times of difficulty. Those are also good to read. I am reminded that those times passed, and BJ and I stayed in motion, and as cliche as it sounds, we grew through those trials.
A constant theme in BJ's sermons is the role of story in Christianity. For me, stories in books, poems, television shows, movies, my blog, other peoples blogs, and in conversations with friends and family are all part of my faith just as the stories of the Bible ground that faith. They are all instructing me and accompanying me through life, and for that reason, I know that my current slump is not without hope and that God's mercy is active in moments even like these.
6 comments:
I feel for you and BJ both.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
You are so loved by your Father and by your family.
Mom G
I just want to hug you so much. You and BJ are so dear to us. I love you, Mom P.
I love you! I'm glad we can share the good times and the bad. Your story made me think of this verse (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I'm still working on the "delighting in difficulties part," but I am praying that you will feel God's strength during this time, and I praise God for the testament of faith you have recorded here.
I love you, sweet Kalyn.
Just so you know - the attitude change was nothing I did. I have had a horrible attitude until something finally turned around. I'm not very good at just being positive when nothing around me is. I can't take credit for that. But I know things will get better for you. You have sent me some beautifully worded emails when I needed them and I thank you for that. I wish I could do the same but I'm not that good with words. But I love you and you are in my thoughts all the time. Take care!
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