When I grow up...

A couple of weeks ago, my brother tagged me on his blog to do a top-ten goals list, and I figure that the night before my graduation from college is a good time to do this. I've thought a lot since he did his own list about what my goals are in life, and I soon realized that I am not a very ambitious person. It was really, really difficult to come up with ten. So I just tried to picture in my head what I want to see if I could see into the future. Here's what I saw in no particular order.

1. Kids. I'm the world's single worst babysitter EVER. But, in defiance of all logic, I still really want to be a mom. I think it is because I saw the relationship my mom had with her mom and I see the way Bro and I now are with our mom, and I know that I'm supposed to take part in that tradition of motherhood. When I was a kid, I played with baby dolls all the time, so I guess it shouldn't surprise me that motherhood became a part of my list so quickly.

2. Own a small business. I know that if I really want to do art for a living, I pretty much have to start a business of my own because there just aren't many good jobs out there. Also, I think I would like the independence of being a small-business owner.

3. Travel. I want to leave the U.S. at least once. My preference is Europe because that is were the art is I love so much. BJ, Bro, and I are already scheming towards this end.

4. Embody hospitality. Here's were I get hoaky. I want to create an environment in my home where people feel welcome. This means several things to me. Good smells coming from the kitchen, a pleasant but not extravagant decor, lots of heirlooms and things from the past in each room, art, the piano playing, and most importantly, loving and welcoming spirits inside (other than the dogs. I'm talking about BJ and me). BJ and I love having quests in our home, and I want to be the kind of hostess where people love coming to my house.

5. Maintaining my weight. I don't want to be one of those women who says "Now that I'm married, I don't have to worry about my body." Avoiding the American obesity crisis is important and really difficult for me. Important because I want to feel good about myself, be healthy, and look good for BJ. Difficult because weight problems run in the family and I love to cook and eat. This is both a goal I don't like to see on this list and one that is very important to me.

6. Go Green. I think that as a Christian, it is only right to be sensitive to the needs of the environment God has blessed us with. But I'm not very good at doing this. I think that this mainly stems from ignorance. I want to become more informed about how to take care of the environment and then implement the information.

7. Spend daily time with the arts. All art is intriguing to me, but sometimes laziness convinces me that TV is more entertaining than painting or drawing or playing the piano. I want to become more disciplined about daily devoting myself to the arts I love so that I can continually improve.

8. Give personal gifts to those I love. This goal probably sounds a little wierd, but let me explain. During the days following grandma's death, it occured to me that every single member of her huge family had items made from her hands that they will always cherish. She crocheted place mats, afgans, and hot pads, made quilts, sewed clothes and aprons, and did countless other personal gifts for Christmas, birthdays, graduations, and marriages. In fact, one day when I was taking a short moment to sit down and mourn her passing, I realized that the blanket I had wrapped myself in to cry was made by her hands. I want to spread that kind of tangible love to my friends and family, ecspecially when I have kids.

9. Have a healthy marriage. Here's what I'm hoping for: thirty years from now, the church where BJ and I are attending decides to do a marriage class, and the most natural choice for who to teach this class is BJ and I. There are going to be a lot of ups and downs, but I just hope that we keep steady, always keep the romance, and grow in our faith together as well as separatly.

10. Something about God and faith goes here... but I'm not sure what it is yet. I'm at a funny place in my life where I know faith is the most important thing, but I'm not sure why or how it is going to play out. I hate when twenty-somethings talk about how confused they are in their faith and yada-yada-yada. But, it is kind of complicated. I just hope that when the end comes, I've worked through some of the confusion to a state of peace and some sort of certainty that God is actually there.