The past week has been a week of goodbyes, and the coming week will be no different. August 31st will be BJ's last day as the minister for Farmington Church of Christ, and we will leave town September 3rd.

Last Tuesday, we had the youth group over for a last get together at our house. The other nights of the past week were filled with dinners and parties with friends who have been deeply gracious in their goodbyes. Shepherd and I, who frequently go with BJ when he visits shut-ins, made a final trip with him Friday afternoon. All of these times of fellowship have been blessings, simply blessings.

Of course, this month has not been only pleasant goodbyes. With the time spent dwelling on good memories, it is only natural that some of the rougher memories creep in on me and BJ. I can't help but wonder why this didn't work, why us and Farmington didn't work. There is obviously a lot of love in this relationship, and BJ and I really wanted this to be home. But I've spent the past two weeks packing up boxes.

I am a person who has always taken constructive criticism very seriously. It is why I succeeded in school in the fields of writing and studio arts, because I valued the opinions of others and acted upon those opinions. The most difficult part of being a preacher's wife these past three years was that I didn't know how to filter the constructive criticism from the plain old criticism, and believe me, preachers are a constant recipient of both. Perhaps what complicates this situation for the spouse of any minister is that he or she is powerless to do much of anything in the face of the criticism and yet feels it's sting so acutely because it is directed at someone you have specifically learned to love and appreciate both despite and because of their flaws.

On the first Sunday of this year, BJ was told that it was the general consensus of the congregation that he wasn't meeting their expectations in the areas of preaching and people skills. We chose to put in a resignation because we felt these particular things were too fundamental to who he was for him to change them. I was sitting at home with my brother who was up for a visit when BJ first called after this meeting. I remember very well what I said to my brother after I got off the phone: "I actually like him the way he is." (Since then, a significant portion of the congregation has voiced similar sentiments.) Despite being shocked and very emotional, it was a moment of clarity I will not soon forget. After two and a half years of trying to decipher what BJ and I needed to change to make us work, I remembered that if BJ changed a lot, he might not be the same guy I've been in love with for the past seven years.

I say all that to say that the goodbyes are really hard, but I am proud of the man I'll be driving out of town with. I pray that Farmington finds a preacher who fits them really well. Despite being blue over leaving this home, I am insanely excited and very hopeful about our future in Oklahoma. BJ and I are constantly talking about our ideas and hopes for the First Christian Church of Ardmore, and we are ready to get down there and start working. As is always the case, God is working in this situation in a big way. I can't wait to see what he does.