Procrastination and moving on

It's official. I'm not cut out for graduate school.

Everyone in my classes seem so committed, but I'm having a really hard time making myself care. Every night I tell myself I'm going to do homework the whole evening and try to catch up, but I inevitably find myself in my art room painting with watercolors, sketching in some obscure corner of the house, reading about the election on the computer, doing yoga, or cleaning over and over again.

I realize I'm not the first graduate student to procrastinate, but this is the first time in my school career that I've ever not cared this much. Hopefully, I'll knock out of this before my major papers start being due.

On a more serious note, I've been waiting for the appropriate moment to announce that BJ will not be returning to his job next year. I think it is common enough knowledge now that I can put it on my blog. The school said he has been a very good teacher, but that they have a vision for the future, and he is not in this vision. We ask for prayers as we search for jobs for each of us next year. BJ is applying for ministry jobs, and I'm applying for teaching positions. I am really excited about the possibilities ahead of us. We have met some really fabulous people while we've lived here, but it is quite obvious to me that I was not cut out for the metroplex, and I am especially not a suburb girl. I am grateful for all that I've learned here (like how to drive in crazy traffic), but I'm ready to move on if it is God's will.

TONY!!!!!! I mean Gus.

I realized today that whenever Gus gets in trouble, I always accidentally call him Tony. It's like I'm programmed to say "Tony" anytime my voice rises in an angry reprimand. I wonder what that's about.

The best Valentine's Day ever, or the only good Valentine's Day ever

I generally hate Valentine's day with all its commercial mumbo jumbo and the pressure it puts on couples to act really "in love". However, for the first time ever, I had an awesome Valentine's Day, and it is all because me and BJ have no money.

Since things are more than a little tight right now, BJ and I decided to do something a little different this year. I constructed two zig-zag books using random supplies from my art room, and I filled them with questions, fill-in-the-blanks, and other fun stuff that we had to fill out about each other. Last night after dinner, we sat down and read what the other had written. It was so funny and touching and romantic, and BJ even made me cry a little. I've decided to post some of the high-lights from each of our books.

Excerpts from BJ's book for me:

-If Kalyn were a Biblical character, who would she be? Mary, Martha's sister, because she was kind of a hippi who was running around sighing "Jesus" with butterflies in her hair.
-If Kalyn were a food, what would she be? Chicken-fried steak, mashed potatoes, and corn (that's right, I'm a steak).
-If Kalyn were a place, where would she be? a shaded, cool but warm forest with lots of water.
-Favorite memories: the car ride our first day of marriage, canoing in Indiana, all our trips to Illinois.
-5 words that define Kalyn: gentle, caring, passionate, self-sacrificing, and great!-cook.
-Fill in the blank: Kalyn is the most sensitive person I know.
-Fill in the blank: If I could get you anything for Valentine's Day, I would get you financially free so you could stay home and make art.

Excerpts from my book for BJ:

-If BJ were a character from a book or movie who would he be? Ron Weasley because he is stubborn, hot-head, but good hearted...and he got the nerdy girl.
-If BJ were a Biblical character, who would he be? Jeremiah because he was always honest with God and was willing to become vulnerable for the sake of maintaining that honesty.
-(this one is my favorite) If BJ were a dog, what breed would he be? Scottish Terrier "Independent and self-assured...rugged nature and endless determination...sometimes seen as aloof, he is actually very loyal to his family. He can have a temper, but is also quite sensitive."
-Five words that define BJ: resilient, goofy, loyal, devoted, passionate.
-Favorite thing he has said to me: "It's like you, the embodiment of elegance with a smudge."
-Fill in the blank: BJ is the most passionate person I know.
-Fill in the blank: If I could get you anything for Valentine's Day, I would get you a new computer with all the works.

A good day

Tuesday was the crazy meeting of three pretty awesome day: my birthday, Super Tuesday, and Fat Tuesday. All of these days are exciting on their on, but put together, it was a combustion of awesomeness.

My day started as most days do, with the alarm clock. But on this really awesome day, my husband threw a birthday card and a package of gum at me before he pushed the snooze button. The card was in Spanish. BJ wrote in it, "I don't know what it says either, but Happy Birthday!" So romantic. On my way to school, instead of listening to morning talk shows reporting on Brittney Spears, I got to listen to The Audacity of Hope, a b-day gift from Brittany. Then, I went to school and set in classes where we talked about the only things English majors ever seem to talk about: sex, the end of Christianity, and fairies. The rest of my day was pretty normal (or as normal as English classes can be) until I got home and BJ took me out to Macaroni Grill. We then embarked on a long search for All-Star Converse tennis shoes, but found none that struck my fancy. So instead, we went to Old Navy where BJ set in the dressing room and told which items he did and did not like. Actually, he didn't have to say a word. All I had to do was look at his face and I knew. After we returned home rather late, I spent the rest of the evening watching, agonizing over, analyzing, and fretting over election results. I'm pretty sure my recent swing into political junky-hood is not good for my health. But all in all, I'd say it was a successful day of combined awesomeness.

Getting Better

After a week of being out of work, BJ's fever finally broke today. Hopefully, he'll be back at school tomorrow. Today, he was exhausted. I think that his body is tired from having a non-stop fever for three and a half days.

I walked into the living room today to find BJ and Tony resting together. Tony may be evil, but he is a good buddy to cuddle up with for a nap. And BJ has been caught in entirely too many pictures napping with Tony to try and deny that he doesn't have a soft spot somewhere deep, deep within for the little fur ball.

That funny feeling in the pit of my stomach, I think it's hope

Because of the divisive nature of politics, I have tried to keep political content off of my blog. I would never want to offend my friends and family who read my blog, and I know that I often have differing political views from those who are closest to me. However, in the past year, there has been an ever-growing sense of inspiration that has now reached an intensity I have never felt in the area of politics. For the first time in my life, I feel a legitimate surging of hope, and it is all the result of one man: Barack Obama. Since this blog has always been a candid journal of my life, it seems dishonest to not do a post on the issue that I am spending a ridiculous amount of my day thinking about, researching, and praying over.

I have read tons of articles over Obama and listened to a large number of his speeches online. After a good bit of consideration, I feel that there are two speeches that give the best overview of who Barack Obama is as a politician and, more importantly, as a person. I do not want anyone to feel like I am saying that Obama is our only hope or that a person who does not vote for him is somehow inherently wrong. All I am wanting to do is offer sources to anyone who reads my blog and wants to know about Obama and why he is such an inspiration to me.

The first speech is the one he gave last night at his victory rally in South Carolina. It is appropriately titled Yes We Can, and I feel it shows his humility, depth, and overall character. The second speech, Politics of the Conscience, is from July of 2007 when Obama spoke to a group of evangelicals. Many people are saying that this is the most important political speech about religion given in the past forty years. I realize that e-mails have been going around saying that Obama is a Muslim. I do not believe this rumor, and the sincerity and intelligence of this speech on his Christian faith and it's role in his life is the basis for my belief. I have never been able to articulate my opinions on faith and politics and how the two should interact. Thankfully, in this speech, Obama does it for me. He has put into words the interconnectedness of faith and politics, and he has acknowledged that Christian morals guide his every step, even in the world of politics.

If you are interested in background information on Obama, "The Path to Power", an article from Men's Vogue, is a really great examination of what has brought him to this election. Also, I would recommend his website for a breakdown of his views on specific issues.

Grad school begins

I have just completed my first two weeks of graduate school. So far, I've got mixed reviews over the whole thing. What is good is that I've made some friends who are interesting and fun to talk to. Also, it is nice to have something to do that gives me a sense of movement in my life towards my broader goals. I would say that, all in all, I am more happy now than I was last semester.

But, like I said, my reviews are mixed. Since I've always considered myself a liberal, I didn't think I would be bothered by state schools and the beliefs of the faculty. However, I have had a difficult time with the way religion is dealt with in the classes. It is assumed that all religions are myths in the same way that unicorns are mythical creatures, and it is assumed that we are all in agreement on this issue. What is difficult about this for me is that all things tend to lose their meaning for me outside of the Christian narrative. This shouldn't be shocking. Every other student has a lens they're looking through. Some are Marxist, others feminist, some deconstructionalist. These are acceptable lenses. Mine is not. And what is frustrating is that no one is willing to admit that Marxism, feminism, and deconstructionalism are their religion. The good news is that after years of my faith not being challenged at ACU, I had forgotten that I still care. I do.

Weak Denim

My dad is notorious for making up lame excuses for a) over-eating and b) gaining weight. When we point out that he is eating more than should be humanly possible, his general excuse is that he "was feeling weak" and needed the boost of energy 1000 calories worth of Little Debbies so generously gives. And as for the weight gain, he usually uses the classic "My pants must be shrinking."

However, this week he got creative. While at work, Dad does a lot of very physical work. This requires tons of walking, climbing ladders, bending over, etc. While bending over in some task the other day, Dad heard the noise we all dread, the sound of pants splitting. Apparently, post-holiday season has been a bit of a squeeze. But I'll have to give Dad credit because he didn't revert to the old shrinking excuse. No, this time it was "weak denim" that caused the crisis. Wranglers just don't make them like they used to.

Just out of curiosity, does anybody have some good excuses they've used to blow off a couple (or ten) extra pounds?

Gus reaches celebrity status

I just got back from a walk in the park where we had yet another first with Gus. Someone stopped us to ask about Gus's breed (which is not at all unusual) and then went on and on about how "cute", which means funny, he looks. Also, not unusual. What was the "first" was that this person actually wanted to take a picture of Gus with their dog, an extremely tiny dotson puppy. So a few moments later Gus was immortalized for this family's photo album. If I am not mistaken, the camera snapped along about the time Gus was sniffing the little guy's crotch. Needless to say, it was a canine Kodak moment.

A Menard Moment

Here's a story from Menard that I was thinking about earlier. It happened a couple of weeks ago while I was staying down there, but it still makes me laugh.

Mom, Dad, and I were eating lunch and talking about some workshop video my brother had to watch about learning to love your job no matter what it is. Dad was basically laughing at how stupid the whole concept is (obviously, I inherited my optimism from him). My mom started getting angry at him for being negative, because Mom really is the eternal optimist. In her fury, she lost all control of the words sputtering out of her mouth, and she said to my father in an extremely frustrated tone, "Oh, stop being such a grumbly-dub-dub." My dad got this bewildered look on his face and said, "A what?" By the time Mom realized she had spoken complete gibberish, it was too late: she had just added yet another word to the Pierce vocabulary. So if you are ever coming through Menard, keep a positive attitude because according to the book of Loveticus, "Thou shalt not be a grumbly-dub-dub."

By the way, I know what you're thinking. Does this new word have anything to do with three men in a tub? We have yet to establish a solid connection there, but we're still investigating.

The Holidays

We returned yesterday from a wonderful holiday in Menard. I saw old friends, spent time with family, and got ridiculous amounts of presents. Also, I took over the world twice. It was actually my first time to play Risk.

Josh and Allison Belisle came to Frisco for New Years, and we played all sorts of games, ate lots of food, and, of course, laughed. All and all, I give a thumbs up to the holiday season.

When the clock struck twelve last night, my brother called from Menard. I was expecting to hear "Happy New Year", but in class Bro fashion, he yelled, "We survived". Yeah, 2007 was a rough year, but here's to 2008. May it be a blessed year for all my friends and family.

Pray for the babysitter!

We have gotten Tony a babysitter to come see him three times while we are in Menard for the holidays. Last night, while Tony was laying in between me and BJ in bed purring with that plotting look in his big evil eyes, it occured to us that it would be just like Tony to do something so horrible to the baby sitter that we would end up with a lawsuit against us. I should have had the lady sign a contract that said, "I will not sue you if your cat tries to severe a limb or scar me for life in any other manner."

Of course, Tony was on his best behavior when the babysitter came yesterday to meet him and get her instructions. But things still managed to get out of control. This time it was Gus. With his Old English Sheepdog genes strongly in place, Gus feels the need to bark loudly and extensively anytime a visitor (in his mind "a wolf") comes into our home (in his mind "the perimeters of our flock"). He actually made the babysitters three year old daughter cry. Fortunately, the mom just laughed at how funny looking Gus is. I'm pretty sure his comical cuteness gets him out of loads of trouble.

I'm leaving today on a Greyhound to go see my parents and help Mom with the pre-holiday preparations. I've left a note with BJ in which my P.S. reads, "Don't forget to baby talk to Gus 5 to 10 times daily. And, please, don't kill Tony." I've got to make sure Momma's little boys are taken care of.

Thoughts on marriage, honesty, and the blues

I hate going more than a week without doing a blog post, so I just sat down to do one since today makes a week. Unfortunately, I found when I set in front of this headache-inducing screen that my life has not been filled here lately with the funny or touching moments that compose the bulk of my blog posts. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but I think it is best to be honest when one has come upon a rough patch in life. It is nothing to be frightened of. I just have a temporary case of the blues. It is a mere fact of life that the road is full of little dips, or perhaps canyons that one must search for a bridge to cross. I would say I am seeking out safe passage.

Of course, as I have stated before on my blog, God does not give us more than we can handle, and we can often handle more than we had counted on. Yesterday, for the first time in months, I walked into the office and told BJ exactly what I wanted/needed. For him to not play games with the guys tonight. For him to spend time with me. No I don't know what we will do, but I don't want you playing with the guys. It was so simple, and yet it took more courage than I have felt I possessed in months. We spent a wonderful evening playing Yatzee and watching reruns on TV since reruns are all that we have with the current strike. Though a far cry from the romantic images of marriage we picture when we're single, it was a lovely evening due to the mere fact that it was a product of honesty. It is so difficult to be honest with those we love, but the reward of making ourselves vulnerable is a deeper, richer relationship. Thus, I learned a little lesson in life that perhaps would have eluded me if it hadn't been for a nasty case of the blues.

A Cozy Christmas Corner (i love alliteration)

BJ and I have decorated our house, and I must say, it is charming. We have a homemade advent calender from my Mom, homemade stockings I made last year, and homemade ornaments that I made after we moved to Frisco. I've always wanted a homemade Christmas, and this year really is all the way homemade. I'm giving homemade apple butter for presents to extended family and BJ's colleagues, and I've made all of our Christmas cards out of scraps of decorative paper I had in my art room. Here's a picture of our tree (it is not homemade) that we got the other day at Lowe's. (Notice: Gus is trying to drink the tree's water. This is what happens when you have an OCD dog who has an obsession with water.)

After decorating the tree, I decided that we should get some family photos. Tony was outside, so I settled for just us and the dogs. Somehow, though, the dogs were not in the mood for family photo time, which is extremely inconvenient when you're using a timed camera sitting on an ottoman. Here's our first attempt:

And our second attempt:

Can I just say my dog has gotten huge. I mean HUGE. We never got a good portrait, but oh well, this is probably more true to the general chaos of our household. I still thing Gus is awfully cute in these pictures.

A dozen things I have learned during a really tough week

~A candle-lit dinner and homemade Italian food create a warm spot in the coldest of places.

~Rubbing the superciliary arch of my husbands forehead helps him fall asleep after a long, stressful day.

~Whether they're in Abilene, Lubbock, Winters, Menard, or Illinois, my friends and family are always close by when I need them.

~The closest I can come to seeing the vastness of God's love is by examining my parents love for me.

~BJ has some very supportive colleagues. Despite the bad impression Frisco has often made, there are many fabulous people God has put in our lives.

~God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and I can handle more than I thought I could.

~My brother can always make me laugh.

~A wound inflicted by a fellow Christian always cuts the deepest. This power we have over each other should be respected and feared.

~I married a fiercely loyal man. His loyalty is an anchor for those he loves. It is an anchor for me.

~If the whole world thought I was scum, Gus would still think I was the best thing since packaged raw hides.

~The sound of the garage door opening after a long, lonely day at home is better, believe it or not, than Willie Nelson singing "Georgia on My Mind".

~If it weren't for bad days (or weeks, or months), we might never see the redemptive power of God with the clarity I have seen this week in my friends and family.

I have never written a blog post under such pressure as I am feeling right now. Yesterday, BJ was called to the office at school where he was informed that I would no longer be allowed to sub at LCA because my blog had offended some unknown someone. I have removed the "offensive" material out of a desire to protect my husband from any further difficulty at work, and I am sincerely sorry for offending anyone. But I would like to say to whomever was offended that the written word always has one weakness: the lack of tone, body language, and eye contact to convey messages. I use sarcasm and hyperbole to make my blog more enjoyable for my friends and family who frequent my blog, and I believe that they read my blog knowing full well that I am serious about half of the time.

I was really enjoying substitute teaching, and the money was not a luxury but a necessity for our family. I have never been fired, and I have certainly never been looked down on in the way that I have experienced in this town. The site monitor I have for my blog shows me that people in the Frisco area have been doing Google searches on both BJ and myself as if they are looking for something. It is the duty of all Christians to lovingly confront their brother or sister when they feel they have witnessed a transgression, but the covert nature of this attack on my character has been not only unproductive, but I would venture to say harmful. It is extremely difficult to not regress into a state of cynicism when one is treated in this way within a community of Christians.

Lastly, I would like to ask for prayers as I deal with both the hurt and the anger that has come out of this incident. May God's plan of redemption always triumph in the muddles we humans get ourselves into.

Thanksgiving is here!!!

BJ's mom and I just finished setting the table for tomorrow's Thanksgiving feast. Last week, I made napkin rings and place cards from odds and ends I found in the house, our yard, and the park. Here is the end product for my first Thanksgiving table scape as a hostess.

A day in the life...

I had to sub today, so the dogs were locked up for way too many hours in the garage. Needless to say, when we got home they had some energy to burn. BJ and I took them out to the back yard to spend some quality family time. After a little fetching and running around, this is how we ended up: BJ and Sienna running around rough housing like crazy, and me and Gus in the corner watching with Gus sitting on my feet while I baby talked and petted him. Typical.

Post Script to Previous Post

Yesterday I was making chocolate chip cookies for one of BJ's classes who have been doing exceptionally well here lately, and I took BJ all the utensils I had used in the process for him to "clean" (aka, lick). BJ looks up at me and, totally oblivious to my last blog posts, says, "That's why I married you- cookie dough." You've got to be kidding me.

Marriage Analysis

Every once in a while, I think it's good to sit back a take a look at one's marriage. Today offered a couple of rather intriguing exchanges between me and BJ that left me contemplating our relationship.

The first was this morning when we were getting ready for the day. BJ was putting on the outfit that I had placed second in line in his closet in the Tuesday slot. On Sunday I ironed five sets of clothes and put them in his closet in the order they should be worn. I was sitting at my vanity, and I said, "Isn't it great being married to me. You don't even have to think in the morning about what to wear." BJ's reply was, "You know that would annoy most women." Stating the complete and honest truth, I said, "I think it's fun. It's like dressing up a doll when I was little." As I said this, it became obvious to me that this is slightly twisted.

The second exchange was on our way home. I was discussing how I have almost finished up with his family's Christmas presents. BJ said, "If for no other reason, I'm glad I married you for Christmas." Basically, he hates shopping for presents, and I now do all the required thinking for him in this area.

So basically, it seems that I have allowed BJ to completely stop using certain parts of his brain. He never asked me to, I just do it. I'm not sure what this says about me, but for now, I think it says that I like picking out clothes and going Christmas shopping. However, it is possible that I am a control freak with a hyper-active maternal instinct who really needs kids to occupy my energy. I think I'll stick with the first theory.