Trials in Eating

At Shepherd's four-month check-up, we were given the go ahead to start him on rice cereal. When we set down for the first feeding last night, we were very optimistic.


This here is how that went:




When I succeeded in getting zero food down my son, BJ decided to give it a try. And this here is how that went:






We then gave up. The good news is that tonight, it went much better.


Shepherd actually swallowed most of the food. The only draw back was that I got more rice cereal on my clothes than he got on his bib. Oh well. We made progress, at least.

4 months

(Shepherd listening to music with BJ.)

Shepherd had his 4 month check-up today. We learned a few things. Mainly, we learned that he is long. Shepherd jumped from the 40th percentile among boys his age in height to the 75th percentile. This essentially means he has had one mean growth spurt. The main thing that is wonderful about this is that it explains his recent fussiness. He was just growing, perhaps a little faster than is normal, and his body is trying very hard to keep up with it all. What was funny is that he is only in the 25th percentile in weight. Basically, he's my little string bean.

When visiting the pediatrician, a parent is encouraged to divulge all of their child's recent developments. About 3 minutes into the appointment, I realized I have a near irrational pride in just about everything about Shepherd. I found myself basically being a giant braggart. My son can (already) roll over both ways. He makes eye contact with everyone he meets, and he almost always smiles for them. When music comes on, he listens. When I read him books, he looks at the pages. He can lift up his torso and move his legs in crawling-like motion. His eyes are so big, I'm pretty sure they catapult him into the 99.9th percentile for cuteness in boys his age. Somebody stop me. It's like word vomit. I can't stop telling people that my son is like every other baby, except somehow better.

What was even worse is that I ended up bragging about my dog as well. Gus is so empathetic. When Shep cries, he runs, whimpering, towards the baby and licks Shep's feet or legs. He sits by us until Shepherd is fully pacified. He stands between Shepherd and visitors in a protective manner. He is essentially the best dog ever.

Please forgive my bragging. I'm going to end this blog post before I start talking about how gracious BJ is and what an amazing father he is becoming. No really I'll stop now. But he is awesome. All of my boys are awesome.

Elegance with a Smudge

Ever since I became a stay-at-home mom, I knew that this is my best opportunity to start selling my art. Since the beginning of the new year, I've been focusing all of my free time on starting an online shop. After painting and planning and reading up on craft businesses and a lot of other prep work, I am starting to post items on my Etsy shop, Elegance with a Smudge. You will notice that on the side of this blog is a feed that shows items as I post them. I'll have many paintings going up in the next few days, so keep an eye out. Hope you enjoy!

"Home" with Shepherd

Shepherd had a bad day today. We think he is teething (or, at least, that is what I tell myself to give the hours of crying meaning). To complicate things, BJ has been gone four to five nights a week for the past month, leaving me wondering how in the world single moms do it.

By the end of today, I was haggard to say the least, so when BJ left once again at 7:30ish, I didn't know how I would make it through the next half hour until Shepherd's bath and bedtime. Suddenly, I remembered a day a month ago when Shepherd and I listened to indie music from NPR's tiny desk concerts. He actually seemed calmed by the music, so I ran with my crying baby on my hip to the computer and pulled up Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros singing "Home". I started twirling and dancing silly and singing and basically doing anything I could think of to make my baby smile. And in a moment of pure grace, it worked.

There is something about dancing in circles singing the words, "Ahh, Home/Let me come Home/Home is wherever I’m with you/Ahh, Home/Let me come Home/Home is when I’m alone with you," to your giggling baby boy that just makes the world seem like a wonderful place. When I was a child, I was told that heaven would be a place where we would sit around singing hymns all day. That sort of sounds like torture. I hope instead that heaven is simply a place where the feeling I had tonight dancing with Shepherd is multiplied infinitely. At the end of this very long day, my mind is too exhausted to be sure of much, but I am sure of one thing: I see God's creativity, grace, and beauty in my four-month old son everyday, and it is astounding.

The Highlight of My 26th Birthday

Today, I turned 26 years old. It was a good birthday full of card games, family, and good food. However, the highlight of the day came at the end when I was changing Shepherd's diaper. I had put him to bed, but he woke up angry over a soggy diaper. Shepherd has quite a temper, and in a fit of anger, he rolled over. It was the first time I'd ever seen him accomplish this feat. He was buck naked and red with anger, but I was so proud of him and immediately began clapping and cheering. When I rolled him to his back, he looked up with a confused grin that clearly said, "I can tell by your reaction I did something awesome, but I'm not sure what exactly it is I did." That moment alone made for a very happy birthday.

Dress Code

The first couple of months of Shepherd's life, I was so enamored of all the baby shower clothes and the opportunity to live out my childhood baby-doll games, I kept Shepherd dressed pretty well most of the time. If he spit up on his outfit or had a diaper malfunction or managed to pee on his clothing during a diaper change while I was reaching for a wet wipe, I'd replace the adorable puppy-dog outfit he had started the day in with an equally adorable bear or tiger or monkey outfit. He was a very well-dressed little boy.

After three months of being a stay-at-home mom. I'm finding that I'm starting to fall behind on this particular aspect of the job. It isn't so much that I'm loosing the battle. Rather, it is that the battle is starting to seem less important. Here is a case in point. This morning, Shepherd started the day like this...

...and ended the day like this:

Between the shirt riding up, one booty missing, a total disappearance of the pants, and a nice stream of drool running down the chin, you might think something had gone terrible wrong somewhere along the way. But all I was seeing at this point of the day was a baby who wasn't crying or fussing and who had on a fairly dry and fairly clean diaper. I now know without a doubt that these are the things that constitute a well-dressed child, so in my book, he's still looking pretty cute.

Transitions

BJ and I have lived in Kentucky for over 2 and a half years. It has been a time of good memories, some struggles, and colder temperatures than should be allowed. This Sunday at church, BJ announced to our congregation that we will be leaving Kentucky in 2011, and we are currently in the process of looking for a new place to minister. BJ explained what is going on very well, so I'm just going to let him speak for me. This is the statement BJ read at church yesterday, and just to be clear, he read it word for word not to be disingenuous, but rather because it was a hard thing to say.

"In early January it was brought to my attention that the general feeling of the congregation was that I am not meeting the expectations of a full-time minister. It was expressed to me that this disappointment was primarily in two areas, with my preaching and with my people skills. The hope in letting me know this was that I would be able to make changes toward meeting this congregation’s expectations, but my preaching and my people reflect the nature of who I am and that makes them very, very difficult to change. In order to make the fruitful changes necessary I would need to change my personality, and that is something I cannot do. Instead, I come before you today to let you know that in 2011 I will be partnering with the leadership of this congregation to transition into another ministry in a way that is best for me, my family, and this congregation.

"That makes 2011 a year of transition for all of us. Kalyn and I will at some point be moving, and you will be searching for another minister. It will be a year of challenges, but also a year of new opportunities. So as we continue into this new year, I would like to share with you a few thoughts that are on my mind and in my heart.

"First, I thank you for the past few years. When Kalyn and I first moved here it was for a career change. I had been a teacher, but felt called, sometimes shoved, to ministry. At the same time, I had always been intimidated by ministry, the reasons for that I have shared with you before. Did I really want to dedicate my life to full-time ministry? Was I okay with my family living this life-style? Did I have gifts that could serve in this capacity? Did I trust God to care for us? Those questions have all been answered.

"This congregation has also provided me and my family with an income and a place to call home. We’ve always had food on our plates and been able to pay the bills. We’ve enjoyed connecting with many of you and many of your children. We’ve enjoyed the bonfires and the games of sardines. We’ve enjoyed visiting with you in your homes and having many of you over to ours. I have been humbled by your willingness to invite me into your lives during times of crisis. I’ve enjoyed the van rides and listening to the teens sing along to the daily top five. The hospitality that has been shown to us has meant a great deal. We’ll have good memories from here, and we have you to thank for that.

"I have tried to meet the expectations of this congregation. Sometimes I have; sometimes I have not, but it has all provided me with a chance to grow and mature both as a person and as a minister, something that is seldom pleasant, but always necessary. Ministers never have the full support of every member of their congregations, so to those of you who feel slighted or hurt or ignored by something I have done or said, or something I have failed to do or say, I am sorry.

"After two and a half years it is a difficult thing to acknowledge the fact that my gifts and strengths are not the gifts and strengths this congregation needs, but that seems to be where we’re at. Farmington is a congregation with great potential, but I was not the right minister to help you realize that potential. I wish that were not the case, and I hope and pray that the minister after me will help you achieve your hopes and dreams.

"In the interim, I will continue to work and serve this congregation to the best of my ability. I pray that God continues to watch over us all, to protect us and to lead us into new, green pastures. I truly hope and pray that the Lord will bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord will lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace."

Love

Shepherd turned three months old yesterday. That has given me three months to get used to motherhood. In some ways, I have adjusted very well. I am used to getting up once or twice a night, changing diapers every 30 minutes to an hour, and doing housework in spurts that just so happen to coincide with Shepherd's naps.

What I can't seem to get used to is just how intensely I feel when it comes to Shepherd. The amount of love I feel when I look at him causes an achy feeling when I inhale. The smallest expression from him (a grin, a furrowed brow, a pout) instantly captivates my attention and blurs my surroundings. In all honesty, all of this intensity is flat out frightening.

I've been trying to figure out why I feel this much this strongly about one person. It isn't a quantitative issue; I don't love Shepherd more than BJ. I've come to decide that it is more an issue of vulnerability. All loving relationships leave a person at least somewhat vulnerable. With BJ, I consciously subjected myself to the vulnerability. When I told him I loved him for the first time in an ACU parking lot, I knew that I was opening myself to the possibility of rejection, but I felt that the shot at love was worth the risk of heartbreak. Each time we took our relationship to a deeper level, I knew that I was simultaneously increasing how badly I would hurt if our relationship ended. With Shepherd, there was not an incremental process of becoming more and more vulnerable. He was just born, and suddenly I knew that anytime he hurts or suffers or struggles, I will feel all of that pain, perhaps worse than he will. And this realization was and has continued to be terrifying.

This past week, an aunt of my best friend lost her 22 year old son in a car accident. When I think about this mother, I can barely breath. I pray for her and the unimaginable pain she must be experiencing, and like all mothers when they hear news of this sort, I attach a prayer for my own son's safety and health. But despite all the fear that I'm finding is part of motherhood, the bare-naked vulnerability of this office, I am absolutely certain it is worth the risk. If Shepherd learns nothing else from me in these next 18 years as I raise him, I hope he learns this: he is worth being loved, and love is no small thing.

He does not like "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"

Recommended Reading

I'm married to this guy (you might of heard me mention him once or twice on this blog) named BJ. He is a smart guy, and he has directed all of this smartness towards better understanding the Bible and God and what it means to be a Christian. This year, he is reading through the Bible cover to cover and blogging about it. If you would like to go along for the ride, I recommend following his blog, A Wondering Disciple, where he is posting daily on his readings. So that's my shameless plug for my brilliant and handsome husband whom I love even though he makes me be a preacher's wife.

Change of Name

When I first started my blog, it was called, "Living with a Boy, a Dog, and a Crazy Cat." Then we got another dog, so I called it, "Living with a Boy, Two Dogs, and a Crazy Cat." Well, 2010 was a pretty epic year with a lot of changes; we are minus one cat and we've added a baby. So I've decided it is time once again to change the title of my blog. It is now going to be "Just Me and My Boys." It isn't that the dogs aren't important. It is just a bit of a mouthful to say "Just Me and My Boys and Our Dogs", don't you think?

Speaking of our dogs, they have officially accepted Shepherd into the pack. How do I know this? Yesterday, I had our laundry sorted out into piles in preparation for laundry day. All of Shepherd's laundry was in a pile all its own because his clothes are washed with Dreft. Dogs love laying on the clothes of their owners (aka pack leaders). It has something to do with being encompassed by their smell. Anyways, both Gus and Zoe picked Shepherd's pile of clothes to camp out on.

There are a few other signs that Shepherd has been initiated. When I tell Gus to go check on Shep, he immediately runs to the baby and sniffs him. If company comes over, Gus goes to the doorway of whatever room Shepherd is in and barks, forming a barrier of sorts. This is a habit we will need to break. Zoe gets a concerned look on her face when Shepherd is crying, and anytime I leave the house with Shepherd, she has a conniption. There is only one thing that can be deduced from all of this: our home is full of puppy love, and it's a good thing.

Here's a picture of Shepherd chilling on the couch from earlier today. I have no reason for posting this other than the fact that he's so cute it makes my heart hurt, and I want to share this with all of you.

Christmas with Family, and the Onslaught of Dirty Diapers

BJ, Shepherd, and I just returned from Christmas with the Gensics. We had a wonderful week passing Shepherd around and playing cards.

On Christmas Day, we went to my mother-in-law's mother's house and spent time with the other side of the family. I don't know what it was about Christmas day, but Shepherd dirtied more diapers in a day than I thought was possible. To make matters worse, the diapers weren't containing the poo very well, so he also went through three outfits. On our way back to the Gensics that night, he wet another diaper only minutes after we had hit the road. The minivan was packed, so his Nana had to change his diaper while he was in his car seat. It took a lot of maneuvering, but he got cleaned up. My favorite part of Christmas day was probably when he looked up at his Nana with a look that clearly said, "Are you seriously going to change my diaper like this?" See below.

My parents are having some pretty serious Shep-withdrawals, so yesterday I made them a video of Shepherd smiling and playing. I decided to post it here if for no other reason than to prove just how stupid a parent will act in the pursuit of a smile from a two-month old.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, and just in case I don't post again before Saturday, Happy New Years!

Twas the week before Christmas...

BJ, Shepherd, and I are currently gearing up for our first Christmas together. We will be leaving in about 3 hours to spend the week with BJ's family.

The house looks mostly the same as always as far as decorations go. The only difference is the third stocking. It is actually a pretty big difference.

Friday, Kayla and Darby came to see Shepherd on their way to a family Christmas in Arkansas (I am under no allusions; When people come to our house, it is to see Shepherd). It was so good to see them. As you can tell, Shepherd thoroughly enjoyed the visit.

I had to work three days this week for insurance purposes. By the end of the week, I was having pretty serious Shepherd withdrawals. So this is how I spent Saturday.

Monday night, we had our little just-the-three-of-us Christmas. Shepherd got his first Christmas present from us. It was Runaway Bunny by Margaret Brown Wise. I don't know what he thought about the book, but the crinkly sound the wrapping paper made was awesome!

We will be returning next Monday, so hopefully I'll have a blogpost going up detailing Shepherd's first Christmas. Have a wonderful Christmas!

The Year of Shepherd

My good friend Kayla did a blogpost this week about the one word that she feels best encapsulates 2010 for her. This got me to thinking about how I would define 2010, and it didn't take me long to come to the conclusion that my word of the year is 'Shepherd.'

BJ and I started the year with fertility tests. After a year of disappointment, it seemed like something must be wrong. Sure enough, the test showed a few issues, but before we could get to the follow up appointments, we found ourselves gawking at a plus sign on Valentine's Day.

From there, it was eight months of anticipation. Of course, it included nausea, extreme fatigue, crazy swollen feet, and lots and lots of contractions (I was in labor for months!). But it also included celebrating with family and friends at showers, me and BJ getting our home ready, and washing and folding all the new baby clothes while trying to wrap my mind around the fact that a baby would actually fill them one day.

And then came the delivery. Every Thursday at 4:30 p.m. for the past 7 weeks, I've thought to myself, "This is when I was driving home from work and started really feeling contractions." Then at around 10:00, I think about how I went to bed hoping I could catch some sleep in between contractions. If I were awake at 3:00 in the morning, I'd think about how BJ and I got up and watched an episode of Battlestar Gallactica while timing contractions. After a few clocked in over 5 minutes apart, we decided it wasn't worth going to the hospital and went back to bed. On Friday mornings, I think about how we went to Taco John's for breakfast and then stopped by Walmart to buy BJ deoderant and Lowe's to get a light bulb. Mainly, I had wanted to keep walking around to help with the pain. At 10:30 on Friday mornings, I think about how I called a nurse to tell her everything I just put here, and she said in a shocked voice, "Sweety, you better come in. It's time." And then at 11:30, I mark the time I went to the hospital and the nurse there started laughing when she discovered I was already 7 centimeters. Oops, probably waited a bit long. But for the best moment of them all, I remember holding Shepherd for the first time at 1:12 in the afternoon. I know a week is going to come when I don't think about all of this, but right now I'm still living it over and over again.

The past 8 weeks have been without a doubt the happiest of my life. I love being at home and taking care of my son. I love dressing him in the mornings. I love breastfeeding. I love talking with him in coo sounds while working on art. I love playing the piano with him in my lap. I love our nightly pre-bed rituals that help him calm down. I love every bit of it.

Now the year is ending in holidays that are made all the more special by Shepherds presence. He's starting to smile at me. Sometimes when he looks at me and grins, I literally stop breathing for a moment. I actually have to think about re-starting the whole breathing process again. His smile is that amazing.

I am currently writing this blog post in a position that is extremely uncomfortable because Shepherd has fallen asleep on my chest/left arm. Despite the awkward-ness this lends to typing, I can honestly say I'm okay with the arrangement.

BJ's Parenting Techniques: Part 2

Night time has become a battle of sorts since Shepherd's birth. We aren't in battle with Shepherd, but we are in battle with all the things that can keep Shepherd wide awake. There are lots of things that can do this. Our nights are getting better with each passing week, but this progress is only due to the techniques we learned in The Happiest Baby on the Block, a book I will recommend to all new parents for the rest of my life.

When following techniques laid out in books, I tend to do my own loose interpretations. Not BJ, though. He goes by the book. Exactly. So when the book said that swaddling babies ages 0-3 months old is the first step in calming them, keeping them calm, and helping them sleep, BJ learned how to do a serious swaddle. Unfortunately, our crafty son has a way of maneuvering his left arm out of any swaddle, waving it around like a flag of victory, and then scaring himself with it sufficiently to wake himself up and start crying. After about three weeks of this, BJ started the duck-tape swaddle.

First, you pull the left side over and firmly tuck it under.

Then you pull the portion from below the feet up and duck tape that sucker.

Next, you pull the right side to behind the back and put two -count it, two- pieces of duck tape.

Lastly, secure the feet of the swaddle with two fairly long pieces of duck tape. (Without this step, the feet always find their way out.)

In this tight and secure swaddle, Shepherd sleeps peacefully for hours. The problem-solving skills of a sleep-deprived father are impressive.

(As a note of interest, the bed has no sheets on it because Shepherd had peed on them earlier in the day. He pees on lots of things.)

Back from Thanksgiving

We've been back from Thanksgiving for almost a week, but it has taken me a while to catch up enough to write. Our trip was wonderful, although we now know that a baby adds approximately five hours to a 14 hour trip. Good to know.

Before leaving for Texas, Shepherd had his first Sunday at church. He was the cutest thing ever in his Sunday outfit. According to some, he dresses better than his father. BJ recommended the church throw a shower for him if they want him to dress that nice.

After church, we tried to get a family portrait to document his first Sunday. Unfortunately, Shepherd likes picture time as much as his father. The only way we could get him to calm down was with a pacifier and the football hold. A little weird for a family portrait? Yes, but that's our son.

After a very, very, very long drive, we made it to Texas.

While in Texas, Shepherd got A LOT of cuddle time with everybody. It was a perfect week both for him and for everyone else.

After looking at old baby photos, we discovered that Shepherd is a perfect mixture of his dad and his Uncle Bro (he has his mouth and chin exactly).

Needless to say, it was a wonderful week. The drive down wasn't even so awful because we got to see Emerald, Eric, and Lily along the way. And now I know that Shepherd makes holidays even better. Of course, I had suspected that would be the case already.

A Thanksgiving Conversation with BJ

ME: So who's winning the game?

BJ: The Cowboys.

ME: Who are they playing?

BJ: New Orleans

ME: Are they as good as they were last year?

BJ: (blank stare) Think about who this is you are asking. This is the guy who left the game to come downstairs and watch "Punkin Chunkin."

*"Punkin Chunkin" is a show on Discovery channel about engineering different machines to throw pumpkins. It is exclusively for nerds.

One Month Old

Shepherd turned a month old yesterday. It has without a doubt been the craziest month of my life, and I mean that in the best possible way.

I've learned a lot this past month. I've learned the basic stuff, like how to change diapers and various burping techniques. I've also learned more abstract truths, like how little boys are special. For example, my son can pee in his own ear.

In the past month, I've posted a lot of pictures of Shepherd, but I've had a hard time getting a picture that fully captures his cuteness. He is seriously indescribably cute, and photos just can't capture how big his eyes are or how perfectly his mouth is shaped. Those eyes and those lips are going to break a thousand hearts. I already pity the girls who will meet him later in life, fall instantly in love, and then have their hearts broken because they can't live up to his mother (hehe).

On that note, happy one-month birthday, Shep. Your mommy loves you.

The New After-Work Ritual

BJ's Parenting Techniques: Part 1

Anyone who know BJ knows that he is very methodical. For example, he raised Sienna and is now raising Zoe in such a way that unflinchingly abides by certain dog-training techniques. (I did not mention Gus here because he required no training. Although BJ loves Gus, he has been constantly baffled by the dog's total lack of dog-ness.) Anyways, BJ has unsurprisingly approached parenthood with the same matter-of-fact, abide-by-the-book methodology. If you are curious, my parenting technique is more of the blubberingly sentimental, all-heart, no-head variety you might expect of me.

So I've decided to post some of BJ's techniques that are getting his overly-emotional wife and cry-baby son (I'm allowed to call him a cry-baby since he is a baby who does in fact cry) through each day. First, we have the football hold.

When BJ gets home from work, I pass Shep off so that I can go frantically prepare dinner before I need to feed Shep again. If Shep gets fussy, BJ calmly takes him and puts him in the football hold. The football hold is a technique we learned in one of the baby books we read before Shep was born. Here's a close up.

You might call it BJ and Shep's first game of ball. Regardless, it buys me a good thirty minutes to get stuff done. Here's one more picture for cutness's sake:

Also notice how BJ can get stuff done on the computer while keeping our son calm and happy. Next up: BJ's Duct-tape Swaddling. You will not want to miss that one.