When words fail, there are always pictures of Shepherd

After a weekend with a lot of tears and goodbyes, I'm not going to say a lot on here. Instead, I'm going to put up a cute picture of Shepherd. I'll write more when I have words to express the past few days of goodbyes.

And for good measure, here is one more cute picture. I feel better now.

The past week has been a week of goodbyes, and the coming week will be no different. August 31st will be BJ's last day as the minister for Farmington Church of Christ, and we will leave town September 3rd.

Last Tuesday, we had the youth group over for a last get together at our house. The other nights of the past week were filled with dinners and parties with friends who have been deeply gracious in their goodbyes. Shepherd and I, who frequently go with BJ when he visits shut-ins, made a final trip with him Friday afternoon. All of these times of fellowship have been blessings, simply blessings.

Of course, this month has not been only pleasant goodbyes. With the time spent dwelling on good memories, it is only natural that some of the rougher memories creep in on me and BJ. I can't help but wonder why this didn't work, why us and Farmington didn't work. There is obviously a lot of love in this relationship, and BJ and I really wanted this to be home. But I've spent the past two weeks packing up boxes.

I am a person who has always taken constructive criticism very seriously. It is why I succeeded in school in the fields of writing and studio arts, because I valued the opinions of others and acted upon those opinions. The most difficult part of being a preacher's wife these past three years was that I didn't know how to filter the constructive criticism from the plain old criticism, and believe me, preachers are a constant recipient of both. Perhaps what complicates this situation for the spouse of any minister is that he or she is powerless to do much of anything in the face of the criticism and yet feels it's sting so acutely because it is directed at someone you have specifically learned to love and appreciate both despite and because of their flaws.

On the first Sunday of this year, BJ was told that it was the general consensus of the congregation that he wasn't meeting their expectations in the areas of preaching and people skills. We chose to put in a resignation because we felt these particular things were too fundamental to who he was for him to change them. I was sitting at home with my brother who was up for a visit when BJ first called after this meeting. I remember very well what I said to my brother after I got off the phone: "I actually like him the way he is." (Since then, a significant portion of the congregation has voiced similar sentiments.) Despite being shocked and very emotional, it was a moment of clarity I will not soon forget. After two and a half years of trying to decipher what BJ and I needed to change to make us work, I remembered that if BJ changed a lot, he might not be the same guy I've been in love with for the past seven years.

I say all that to say that the goodbyes are really hard, but I am proud of the man I'll be driving out of town with. I pray that Farmington finds a preacher who fits them really well. Despite being blue over leaving this home, I am insanely excited and very hopeful about our future in Oklahoma. BJ and I are constantly talking about our ideas and hopes for the First Christian Church of Ardmore, and we are ready to get down there and start working. As is always the case, God is working in this situation in a big way. I can't wait to see what he does.

10 months

Today, Shepherd is 10 months old. I can't say how wonderful the past 10 months have been, so instead I'm going to post some photos we had taken a couple of weeks ago. We had never had professional photos done of Shepherd, so we were really excited when a friend of BJ's mother offered to do pictures for us. The photographer is Amber Keller, and she did a wonderful job with Shepherd. Here is a sampling:

A Very Important Announcement

In less than two months, BJ, Shepherd, Gus, and I will be Okies. BJ has accepted an offer for the pulpit minister position at a church in Ardmore, Oklahoma. Our trip to OK two weeks ago was wonderful. We got to know some magnificently kind and loving people who we are looking forward to getting to know better. Of course, we only got the job because of Shepherd's cuteness, but we aren't above riding on our son's coat tails.

In other news, we had a delightful visit from my brother and his girl-friend, Stephanie. Shepherd is being a little difficult this week after basking in non-stop attention from his uncle and Stephanie. We took a whole slew of pictures their last day here to document their visit, but between BJ hating pictures, Bro somehow never looking in the correct place, Shepherd moving non-stop, and Stephanie and I distracted by the chaos, very few our presentable. But you know me. I'll put them up anyways.

This was supposed to be a picture of us. Instead, it was a picture of Uncle Bro's shoulder.

This is our first attempt at a picture of the five of us in which you can see more than one person's shoulder.

This is our second attempt. I call it: "Where's BJ?"

This is the picture after which we gave up.

Thankfully, I got one good picture of Shepherd with Bro and Stephanie. Cute, isn't it?

Where I've Been

I am running late on this blog post. I week and a half ago, Shepherd and I went up to Alton to spend some time with my in-laws. Wednesday, BJ joined me, and we headed to Ardmore, Oklahoma for BJ to interview at a church. Monday, my brother and his girlfriend, Stephanie, flew into St. Louis where we picked them up and brought them back to Farmington. Since then, we've been having a wonderful week just hanging out. Unfortunately, in the midst of all this busy-ness, I haven't had time to sit at a computer.

Ardmore turned out to be a beautiful place. The people were wonderful, and the town just felt home-like. As things develop there, I will keep you all posted. Suffice it to say, I might be an Okie by the end of this year, and I'm definitely fine with that possibility.

Cleaning the Bathroom with Shepherd

Here is a step by step of my experience today cleaning the bathroom with Shepherd:

-I decided to start with the shower. First I took out all the shampoos, conditioners, and soaps so that I could clean the surface well. Then, I started happily rubbing away with my magic eraser.

-While I was doing this, Shepherd took my creamy, pink, strawberry-scented conditioner and squeezed it out all over the floor. He then rubbed it all over his legs.

-Seeing this, I stopped with the magic eraser, set Shep on the edge of our sink, and started rinsing off his legs and hands. While my focus was on his legs and feet, Shep took his little left hand and started pumping liquid hand soap out of its container.

-Once I noticed that hand soap was piling up on my counter, I quickly finished cleaning Shep and wisked him away from the sink. Somehow, in the process of 'wisking', Shep managed to kick the soap container onto the floor, hitting the wall on its way down in such a fashion that my bathroom wall art fell to the tile floor and broke a frame.

-I soon got all of this mess cleaned up and moved all containers with goopy stuff in them outside of Shep's range. I then returned to the shower and my magic eraser to try and finish the job.

-Upon finishing with the shower and turning around, I found that Shep had worked his way into the bathroom closet, removed my toilet bowl cleaner brush (the one I've cleaned our toilet with for the past three years), and was waving it in the air like a flag of victory.

-At this point, I removed the brush from his tight little grasp, exited the bathroom with him in tow, and gave up on ever having a clean bathroom again. At least I finished the shower.

Here is a gratuitous picture of him being all cute. It reminds me why not being able to finish cleaning my bathroom is actually a good thing.

5 Years

This afternoon, I was working on a new paintings series (soon to be up on Etsy), so I did a little baby-proofing in the art room/office to help with my focus. The only real danger this particular room poses is the wires underneath BJ's desk, so I decided to simple use BJ's chair to block Shepherd's access to them. Five minutes later, I glanced up from my painting to see this:

This may look like just a picture of a baby climbing up a chair, but in reality it is a picture of my son laughing in the face of my baby-proofing attempts.

Changing subjects, BJ and I have been married five years today! We had plans to go see the new Harry Potter movie (we even had our first baby-sitter booked), but Shepherd has come down with a little stomach bug, so instead we're staying home with a mildly sick, very fussy, and undeniably self-destructive baby. I'm oddly not disappointed, though. This is our life right now. We have plenty of time for elaborate, romantic anniversaries later when we have more money and less little people depending on us. But for tonight, I'll be grateful to spend the evening underneath the same roof as my two boys, even if one of them puked on my earlier today.

(Note of interest: On our one-month anniversary, we woke up to Sienna puking after over-indulging in Tony's kitty litter box. So to my wonderful husband: We've come a long way, baby.)

Approaching Nine Months

This little boy

is going to be 9 months

in two days.

It has been a marvelously

wonderful

and absolutely

beautiful nine months.

And can I just say

I love this face:

Thanks for letting me share.

It really is a beautiful life

When BJ got home from work this evening, he joined Shepherd and me on the floor where we had been playing with blocks. I welcomed BJ home with a kiss. Because I love my husband to distraction, his welcome home kiss was a real kiss, none of this peck-on-the-cheek stuff. When it was over, I looked over to find that Shep was watching us intently. We laughed at his goofy look, and then BJ grabbed me and Shep in his arms and started rough housing with us. Pain is BJ-speak for 'I love you.'

Later, reflecting on the moment, I couldn't help but compare it to the honey-I'm-home stereotypes of 1950's television. We were far from the typical image between BJ's cargo pants, my sloopy pony tail, and the stench that was coming from Shep's diaper I was just about to change. But it was still very obvious that there is a value in the daily reunion of a man with his wife and child. We were just really happy to see each other.

Perhaps most remarkably, Shepherd is already developing a wonder and curiosity and excitement about love that I feel even at 26 and from which 90 percent of all music, poetry, drama, and art are derived. I can't help but feel a great satisfaction in watching my son be so blessedly human. He is just what God created him to be: a human basking in the love that surrounds him. Every day I pray "God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Rolling on the floor today with my family was a kingdom-of-heaven-on-earth moment. I just love those moments.

A Week in Texas

Shepherd and I returned from Texas Saturday, but it has taken us several days to get adjusted and caught up enough for me to post. Here is a brief pictorial history of our trip. (It wouldn't be quite so brief, but I kept grabbing Mom's camera instead of mine. Oops.)

First stop on our trip was in Abilene where me and my college girlfriends (we call it our Fat Tuesday group) had a little reunion. This reunion looked a good bit different from our last get together 3 years ago because we've added two babies to the bunch, Shepherd and Emerald's precious daughter, Lily. Of course, no trip to Abilene is complete without a walk down memory lane on ACU's campus. Unfortunately, it was too hot to walk, so we road the golf cart 'taxi' instead. Here is Brittany and Erin holding Shep for the ride. (excuse the poor angle. it was bumpy.)

We spent a lot of time hiding from the heat in Emerald's beautiful home. This is a photo of Shep and Lily getting acquainted soon after our arrival. Of course, 'getting acquainted' mostly consisted of Lily telling Shep what he should do and Shep blissfully ignoring her. It really wasn't that different from mine and Shep's own dynamic here at home.

The next day, we went out for dessert. Lily was very relaxed.

Shep was flirty.

At the end of Saturday, it was group photo time. These girls are sooooo pretty. (inside joke)

In Menard, Shep met a whole slew of my uncles, aunts, and family friends. Here he is checking out Uncle Edwin.

One of his favorite activities was crawling all over his Pap.

Sometimes, he was more graceful than at other times.

Mamm had all sorts of fun trying Uncle Bro's old baby hats on him. It's a grandma thing.

Of course, there were tons of more things we did, but they are all on Mom's camera. And I'd better go right now. Shep is about to eat some paper, and I should probably try to stop him.

Torn

Tonight, I'm posting from Menard, TX where Shepherd and I are visiting my parents. I've spent this weekend reuniting with my college girlfriends, watching my parents fawn over Shepherd, and taking my little guy around town to see and meet many of the people who were part of my childhood. It has been a good weekend, but I can't help but feel torn about being here.

Tuesday afternoon, BJ's grandfather passed away. The viewing and funeral were Friday and Saturday. My initial instinct was to cancel my long-awaited trip and head to Indiana, but BJ's family, with generosity and love, encouraged me to keep my plans. They reminded me that Shepherd and I had been there when it mattered, two weeks ago when Grandpa was able to see us. So while I'm having a wonderful vacation, I am living in the tension that is so often a part of life. I am rejoicing with those I love who are rejoicing and mourning with those I love who are mourning. The two are existing at the same time, and that is okay. It is not taking away from this trip. If anything, it is reminding me just how precious the moments are that we share with our family.

When I get back to Kentucky, I'll post pictures from mine and Shepherd's trip. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for BJ, his grandfather, and his family as they have gone through this loss.

A Fun Way to Spend Sunday Afternoon

First, look innocent and sweet so that Mommy takes her eyes off of you for just a second. It will only take a second.

Then, crawl over to the kitchen hutch, pull out all the pretty, brightly colored place matts,...

...and bang on the metal bowls until Mommy comes to see what you've gotten into now.

Last but not least, flash a big ole' winning smile. That way, she'll be too busy taking pictures of you to get on to you.

BJ's Parenting Techniques: Part 3

It has (finally) warmed up enough in Farmington, KY to go for a swim. In anticipation of this moment, I bought some swimming diapers for Shepherd. While cooking dinner Tuesday night, BJ said he was going to take Shepherd for a swim. I told him where I had put the Little Swimmers, and he promptly let me know just how pointless he thought diapers for swimming were. According to him, they aren't going to keep any urine or anything else out of our pool, and they basically served no purpose whatsoever. The next thing I knew, this was the view from my kitchen window:

In his characteristic, no-nonsense style, BJ decided going commando was a much more sensible option for Shepherd.

I joined BJ and his little skinny dipper the next evening. But as soon as swimming time was over, I wrapped my baby in a fluffy towel.

Although Shepherd will most likely one day be glad I wrapped him up quickly, he'll probably never forgive me for this blog post.

For my deprived mother...

Since BJ, Shepherd, and I have been on the road so much, my mother hasn't been getting her typical dose of Shepherd photos every few days. She emailed me this morning requesting I remedy this. Here are some picture of Shepherd over the past few weeks.

Here he is getting into my art. As soon as the photo was taken, he was re-routed.

Although every parent thinks their child is a genius, this picture gives me pause.

The only way Shepherd can get within two feet of Gus without Gus running:

He was only happy here because he had yet to realize that the luggage was out because we were about to be on the road for another 6 hours.

"That dog is big, Mom. Really big."

I took this picture to demonstrate just how big his eyes are.

Playing with Daddy:

Mommy (aka designated family worrier) did not entirely approve of this.

Getting into Nana's yarn (he did make just as big of a mess as you would imagine):

So there you go, Mom. Hope you enjoyed!

Why it has been FOREVER since I posted last

Sorry everyone for the dry spell, but BJ, Shepherd, and I have been on the road. To make a long story short, BJ's grandfather has been diagnosed with cancer, and it is a very serious situation. BJ and I have been married almost five years, and it turns out that is long enough to really love your in-laws like they are just plain old family. All of my grandparents have passed away, so it has been a pleasure having BJ's grandparents as my own, and his grandfather is truly an exemplar of what a family patriarch should be. He loves his family fiercely, and he quietly takes care of them behind the scenes in a way that is truly humbling. Please keep him and the rest of the Gensics in your prayers. They are special people.